pH, más que hamor, frensi.

Armageddon

NASA: An asteroid is coming. We are in trouble.

Nerd: You must blow it up from the inside. Probably.

NASA: Let's teach drillers to be astronauts, on account of drilling is too hard for astronauts to learn.

Bruce Willis: Instead for a ninjillion dollars, we will only do it if we don't have to pay taxes anymore, because audiences can relate to that.

Audience: I can relate to that. Therefore, I love it.

THE END

Analyze This

Robert De Niro CRIES, and it is FUNNY.

THE END

Die Hard

Alan Rickman: Har har har.

Bruce Willis: Grunt sigh moan grunt holler yell sigh wince groan cringe grunt.

(A chair BLOWS UP. Then the elevator BLOWS UP. Then a room BLOWS UP. Then the building BLOWS UP. Then the entire universe BLOWS UP. But the badguy STILL ISN'T DEAD YET. Then the badguy dies.)

THE END

Daylight

Ethnically Diverse People: We're trapped in a tunnel. Save us, Sylvester Stallone.

Sylvester Stallone: Grunt.

(He saves them.)

Ethnically Diverse People: We never thought we'd see "daylight" again.

Audience (leaving the theater): Neither did we.
THE END

Doom

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: iddqd

THE END

Face/Off

Nicolas Cage Being John Travolta: Raaah, wooo, bluuuh.

John Travolta Being Nicolas Cage: Wahh.

(71,928,033 bullets later, everything is FIXED.)

THE END

The Matrix

Keanu Reeves: Hey everybody, look! Look at me! I'm in a movie that doesn't suck!

Audience: GASP!

Keanu Reeves: Yes, it's true! Not only that, despite my total lack of acting ability, I very nearly didn't suck in this movie!

Audience: (faints)

THE END

The Thin Red Line

Producers: War is hell.

Audience: Oh look, it's Sean Penn.

Producers: War is still hell.

Audience: Isn't that George Clooney?

Producers: War continues to be hell.

Audience: Hey, where did Woody Harrelson come from?

Producers: War. Hell.
THE END

The Rocky Series

(Rocky LOSES a fight, and an injury prevents him from ever fighting again. Then Rocky WINS a fight, and an injury prevents him from ever fighting again. Then Rocky LOSES a fight. Then Rocky WINS a fight. Then Rocky WINS a fight, and an injury prevents him from ever fighting again. Then Rocky beats up some kids on the street.)

THE END

The Hours

Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, and Meryl Streep: Yeah, we're women, and it sucks.

THE END

The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain

Condensation Text: N/A

The Films of David Lynch
Some Woman: I do enjoy my nice, idyllic lifestyle, but I hope that underneath my seemingly perfect suburban world there is corruption and evil.
(SOME WOMAN discovers her OWN CORPSE and is ARRESTED.)

Midget: Someday that gum you like is going to come back in style.

Hit Man:(laughs cryptically)

(An EYE is slit open with a RAZOR BLADE. We learn that SOMEBODY was really SOME WOMAN all along, and they were on the MOON.)

THE END